love’s crucible

couple’s counseling

/Cru-ci-ble:/ In which substances interact, leading to the formation of something new.

Intimate Partnerships are one of the most dynamic and intense crucible that exists. Many of us enter into a commitment, that on some level we were conditioned to believe would provide mutuality and fulfillment, only to discover parts of our partner and ourselves that seem incompatible and even threaten our well being. Unfortunately most of us are not trained in tools and perspectives that could help us navigate this complex terrain, and instead of evolving into a partnership of deeper trust and depth, the dynamic of the relationship can become burdened with pain and disappointment. 

However, seen through another lens and given the proper tools, these very relationships can potentially be the catalyst of healing some of our most embedded wounds. Leading not only to deeper fulfillment and trust, but of self-transformation as well. 

My approach with couples provides a safe container to explore the complex dynamics at play within the relationship. In addition you will be introduced to intrapsychic and interpersonal communication tools that support in transforming the content and tone of conflict. Below is a brief description of my seven part approach (Safe House Seven Process): 

Cost: $250 - 1 hour 15 minute sessions

Multigenerational Narratives 

We will explore the known stories of your ancestors; both their struggles and legacy. We will then look at three generations: grandparents, parents and yourself and the relational dynamics that surround them, as well as individual struggles and accomplishments. From this exploration we begin to sift through multigenerational patterns that may be connected to the issues and challenges within your relationship.

The Story of US

You will have the opportunity to share in a creative format your own relationship narrative including the context, values and qualities that drew you together, as well as major inflection points throughout your relationship. Through this unfolding we will begin to identify the source and trajectory of the key issues you came into counseling to get support with.

Parts Work  

I will introduce you to a variation of Internal Family Systems theory that postulates that we are made up of several parts or intrapsychic systems . When these parts are balanced an individual experiences well being. However if any of these parts are marginalized, given too much power or in conflict with other parts, this can affect the system as a whole and activate defensiveness, anxiety, and sabotaging behaviors. Together we will examine the make-up of each of your unique parts systems,  and also how each of your parts relate to each other as well as with your partner’s parts. 

Deep Dive  

Courageous conversations, those conversations that have the power to positivity shift conflict and deepen relationships, are created through safety, transparency and vulnerability. Through some of the basic communication practices,  couples will have the opportunity to explore some of their most pressing issues using communication that promote safety and vulnerability and attempt to replace binary thinking to a more multivalent understanding of any situation or conflict.  

Integration

We will review themes and insights that surfaced from the Deep Dive and incorporate them into concrete practices that will be incorporated into the day-to-day ethos of the relationship.

Circle of Care

In many indigenous cultures, healing is a communal act as much as it is an individual one. The community itself is an active agent in the restoration of its members as much as it is a recipient of its members’ wholeness.  In the spirit of collective engagement the couple will have an opportunity to invite their loved ones into a circle process in which the client’s ‘Circle of Care’ can bring forward their own experiences, insights, energy and appreciation for the couple in a safe environment that is intended to utilize the power of the collective to affirm and support the couples greatest potential.

Closure & Appreciation 

At last we will reflect on the whole process together. A final moment to concretize practices, and to intentionally appreciate the work and growth that was accomplished.